I don't know my Bible as well as I should. Yes, I went to Catholic school but I'm nowhere near as well read as your typical scientist-muzzling Conservative MP.
This week, however, I found myself thinking a lot about Eve. Not former Conservative MP Eve Adams but the biblical Eve. She's the one that was tempted by the snake. No, wait. Maybe that was the MP? Was the biblical snake named Dimitri? Beady eyes? Fascinating hairline?
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Anyway, the way I remember it, Eve, seduced by the snake, tempted Adam with an apple. Adam, desperate to be more God-like himself, foolishly bit into the forbidden fruit. Or was that Justin? Yes, that was Justin. I'm sorry. I had the Bible confused with The National.
'Why not make the Liberal Party an Island of Misfit Toys — a giant red lifeboat filled to the brink with candidates chosen not for what they stand for but because they simply exist'
Watching Eve Adams sit with Justin Trudeau was fascinating.
Firstly, I will never get used to Canada having such attractive politicians. We now live in a country where the best-looking people on television are MPs.
I make fun of politicians for a living. I used to be able to put on a grey wig and a fat suit and be just about anybody. Now I have to hit the gym, tan, get veneers, Botox, fillers and maybe a little work done around the eyes just to make fun of an MP. CBC couldn't even afford the wig.
Once my eyes had settled to the shock of seeing attractive people on Canadian TV, I started to feel dizzy from the shock of seeing the political equivalent of the reality show "Wife Swap."
The Conservatives have thrown a lot of people under the bus over the last couple of years. I knew Justin Trudeau wasn't the spoiled, rich kid that the media made him out to be. But, I never really thought of him as the kind of guy who ate roadkill, either.
Mr. Trudeau just accepted somebody that Harper thought was too tainted to touch. Think about that for a second. Harper thought she was too dirty. That's like Rex Murphy accusing someone of "loquaciously rambling in their discourse."
The low point came when Adams met with the prime minister to beg him to spare her. Harper also said that Adams told him she had broken up with his former communications director, Dimitri Soudas. Harper then leaned forward and told her that he knew Mr. Soudas was sitting in the lobby waiting for her.
Before the fall: Eve Adams and Stephen Harper. (Adrian Wyld/Canadian Press)
Can you imagine that conversation? "Oh, did I say we broke up? Yeah, well, we're not, like 'BROKEN UP' over. We're more like 'taking a break' over. I mean, like, he thinks we go out but I'm so over him and, well, my Facebook status says 'it's complicated.' You can totally check that."
I'm actually relieved that the PM knew. When the Prime Minister's Office was surprised that John Baird was leaving cabinet, I thought "What's the good of having CSIS spy on everyone if Frank Magazine knows your foreign affairs minister is leaving before you do?"
And now Justin, who promised opened nominations, is running Eve Adams in the next election. It's a get-a-seat-at-any-cost approach. I guess the thinking is that the average person won't look too closely. They'll hear that a Conservative MP crossed the floor and joined the Liberals and that's a good thing for Trudeau.
It might even, in the long run, be good for Canadians. Imagine a Liberal party, headed by Trudeau with not only Eve Adams but Senator Patrick Brazeau, maybe even Senator Pamela Wallin. Oh, throw in Mike Duffy, too. Why not make the Liberal Party an Island of Misfit Toys — a giant red lifeboat filled to the brink with candidates chosen not for what they stand for but because they simply exist.
Justin Trudeau is the face of the modern Liberal party in much the same way the Statue of Liberty is of New York City. What is the quote mounted on that statue? "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to make it to their pension, the wretched refuse of your political party. Send these, the homeless, to me. I'm Justin Trudeau and I approve this message?"
I don't know my history as well as I should.
Mark Critch is a comedian and a cast member of This Hour of 22 Minutes, which airs Tuesdays at 8:30 p.m. on CBC Television. Follow him on Twitter @MarkCritch .
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